In A WoRld of OuR OwN

Saturday, June 30, 2007

Scamp is over.

~11:29 AM

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Wednesday, June 20, 2007

I had my first 'exploding headache' yesternight. Unknown reason. I can finally empathize with people that says 'My head feels like it s going to explode!' How does it feel like exactly? well...

first you get this contraction on the circumference of your cranium at the forehead level. consistent and overwhelming inward pressure is exerted until you are about to collapse, then it suddenly clears up. You open your eyes thinking 'good, it's gone'.. until it hits with the full force once again. Repeat this process 189727784324 times.

you pop painkillers, half hoping the ordeal will just vanish immediately. banging your head on the wall just seems like a much better preposition at this moment. thinking that lying down may help the cause, you gingerly lower your head on the fluffy pillow that exudes comfort and rest. Wrong move. Blood and stuff roar into the ever-shrinking compartment of your head known as the brain, counteracting the inward pressure with a greater outward push on the skull. At this point of time, a mental picture of Hiroshima and Nagasaki appears magically. Boom.

Motionless for the next half an hour, without twitching or moving a single muscle, the defeaning cacophony quiets down to a regular throb, akin to the protagonist in the animation "Stressed Eric". you experiment with self hypnosis, attempting to separate the pain from the brain. Not so easy PAIN said. and renews its fury once more. You raise the white flag, and reaches for the bottle of painkillers in defeat...

and that was the whole story in full. Fictional, may i add. Meaning i made it up. Believe it or not, it's up to you. for even the most convincing lie starts with a hint of truth.

"i pray thee, kneeled by the candlelight and hands clasped, worries no more"

~9:12 AM

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Saturday, June 16, 2007

Mind Not The Silence

mind not the silence

light breeze, strangely unheard.

tranquil is this place,

many different hues of colours

upon my eyes glazed.

hereforth i wander, never

ceasing to be amazed,

by the wonders

of this place.

mind not the silence

little stream, weirdly muted.

peaceful is this place,

a garden variety of creatures

upon my feet gathered.

hereforth i lay, ever

waking up and gaze

at the beauty

of this place.

mind not the silence

young lady, mouth pursed.

wistful is her look,

a mixture of emotions,

upon her face contrives.

hereforth she stays, together

with the person i wish

to become

in this place.

~1:15 PM

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Friday, June 15, 2007

a man reads. for he seeks the inner sanctum of another fantasy world. one with no pressure, visible or otherwise, to enter the race of the balloonheads. [balloonheads: defined as Homo sapiens that have reached adulthood, yet possess none of the grey matter in the brain that suggests intelligence]
as one reaches the end of a path, the only path one has ever tread on, he or she makes a decision to either switch, turn or stop. yet in all these choices, none are apparent, clear or recommended. it's purely emotional, logical or a mixture of both that sets one on the next route.
i'm stuck at this endway. my mind is swinging either ways. i want to be clear, be firm, be strong on the right decision. But which is correct? i can't be sure.. Or maybe i just don't want to be sure?

'the heart races ahead once again, and leaves the mind gaping at its inability to change' ~Yuhanvicus 1686

~11:53 PM

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found this randomly as i was going through the pictures. love the effect. if anyone understands how metal blocks are used for printing, then you have an idea of what this looks like~

the day is kinda dragging now.. the sun outside is about as bright as 7million410thousand781X candle light.. ok maybe more. and i'm redder than red, like the oxygenated blood in your body but 3.74 times more oxygenated. ok i'm just spewing word vomit now..

trying to sort out what i wanna do/work/earn money/conform to society now. half a mind to just slack and wait. but i know i cant stand the inactivity as well. it's like a balancing act, i want my time, yet i dont want too much free time (since i'll be doing nothing at home anyway). i'm like asking for aircon but dun want it to be dry in the room. ok bad analogy. too bad~

chatted with connie over the net yesternight. she's happily married, and enjoying it. gave me some advices on certain issues, which no doubt are very much logical and useful, if only i could overcome my own restrains. it's karma i tell you.. laughing at others thinking how stupid they are will come back to haunt you, cause you will become the stupid one in time... oh wells too late to regret..

'Where art thou, easy denaris and peon life? For thy lure is too much and banishs me to heartful sorrows, in the inattainable of it all' ~Yuhanvicus 1683

~1:47 PM

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Monday, June 11, 2007

it's official. i'm jobless now. haha~ and 1 million times happier than i was working.
maybe i'm just not ready, maybe i'm too slack.
maybe sales not for me, maybe i need a deskbound.
maybe it's maybelline.
in anycase, anyone with part time job lobangs, feel free to call me.
Thanks! =)

~4:40 PM

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Monday, June 04, 2007

it's been a week. my job that is. been thinking about it lots, about the commitment and time, the jobscope and requirements. am i ready for this?

Kah Fai told me he took 3 months holiday before he took this job, his first as well after he graduated. 5 years back. i took 1 month holiday.
He told me he took 2 years to truly feel comfortable with what we are supposed to do. i hope i only need half a year. am i ready for this?

i'm trying to assimilate, to fit into this lifestyle change. my mentality bane i need to take away, or else i won't be able to fit in. so much for being adaptable. I think too highly of myself sometimes.

the cookie jar sits on my table nicely, sweets.

~7:59 PM

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Sunday, June 03, 2007

I LOVE MY DEARIE~!

~7:37 PM

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