In A WoRld of OuR OwN

Monday, July 30, 2007

当你深爱一个人时，总觉得自己的付出，是不足够的。
总觉得还能为对方再做些什么，再给些什么。

但同样的，爱也是自私的。
付出，会不经意希望得到回报，得到认同和感动。

人，在不了解情况之下，自然会猜测，会怀疑。
往往造成的结果，非理想当中。

原来爱一个人，绝非简单。
爱这个单字，包含的感觉及意义，只能用一生来体会，来感受。

谁说被爱是幸福，爱人是痛苦？

~11:09 PM

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Sunday, July 29, 2007

what is the feeling called, that describes both happy and sad at the very same time?
what is the person called, that is both selfish and generous at the very same time?
what is the place called, that is both here and there at the very same time?

when i look, i do not see.
when i listen, i do not hear.
when i touch, i do not feel.

questions abound, answers unfound.
people around, thoughts confound.
stuck aground.

~11:38 PM

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Wednesday, July 25, 2007

Expectations. A heavy word. Twelve letters added to weigh a ton. Sometimes it drops on our shoulders, sometimes it hangs in our hearts, but all the time it is present in our lives. We were born into this world with it from our parents. We grew up with it from our teachers. We dive into it for our livelihood. And finally we dish it out once again to our spouses and children. What did you expect?

It is a hard world we live in, a real world. As real as the next dollar note you own. For there are many things besides money, but none that carries as much expectation as it. When we have the root of evil, most of us succumb to it's dark powers. Increased spending power equals to increased spending? It happens. Thus when we have X amount of money, we expect to get X+100000 next. And from X amount, we expect to spend X+n on material wants. Expect debts.

On a lighter note, just a picture of me and dearie at Dempsey's Ben&Jerry. Picture perfect too if i may add. One day, i expect myself to be a regular patron at Dempsey. ha~

P.S: still dealing with my expectations

~5:59 PM

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Sunday, July 22, 2007

久违了。与华文的渊源，并没有因这一段小别而缘尽。
事实上，本人相信他不可能会脱离华人的第一语言...
这么久以来，笔者对华语情有独钟。
就想你那双破旧的球鞋，再烂，还是觉得它就那么地舒适，那么地自然。

其实有很多心事想笔记在此，但有碍于心有余而力不足，也只是稍提一提。
讲起对于‘完美’两个字的观点，真是有太多的意见和心态。
世上可否存有此境界？我非常不看好那机率。
简单来说，还是认为只有追求这不可能的虚幻，而没有虚幻的本身。
就像僧人要达无欲，其实是绝不可能。因为要达无欲，本身就是个欲望。
但重要是那过程，当中获益匪浅...

见到好友们，真是快乐。这班初级学院的挚友，八年的交情，不绝的欢笑，是全世界金钱换不到的。IFF 长存心内！

愿为妳付出一切，毫无保留。

~1:42 AM

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Wednesday, July 18, 2007

It's puzzling how simple words, mere letters on paper and vibrations when spoken, can twist our hearts and muddle our brains. The pen is mighter than the sword, they say. I believe the tongue pens more than mere writing tools. It forms the very essence of our thoughts and verbalises it, adding pitch and tone and feeling to what were neutral in the beginning.

Yet the ear works a different way from the tongue, as it would from the eye or the nose. It hears, but sometimes does not listen. It receives, yet not all information is brought through. And being placed behind all the other facial features, it causes people to misplace its importance.

All spoken, it is actually the mind that masterminds all such (pardon the pun). Without it, the tongue speaks not, the ear hears not, the eyes sees not. So formulate thoughts well, and say them out clear, so that the ear hears exactly what is said and felt.

Topman is kinda invading my wardrobe. Been buying clothes from there... for however 'often' i buy clothes. Good stuff. And caught Harry Potter and The Order Of The Phoenix with 'BB1' too. It was still nice, but a little choppy. Loved the last bit, given the lack of action for most parts of the movie. the movie was 2 hours plus, so no doubt most part of the 700+ pages of content in the book could not be squeezed in. Yup, so overall still a movie worth the 7 or 8 bucks.

As for my Honours project, it's still subjected to approval as and when my to-be supervisor Prof Rudolph Meier comes back.

~12:12 AM

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Monday, July 16, 2007

it's really sobering to hear about certain stuff.
like having a pail of ice-cold water poured over your naked body.
like hearing a loud thunder booming off just when you are about to doze off.
like swallowing a large spoonful of wasabi hidden under the salmon sushi.
like biting your own tongue accidentally while chewing .
like getting slapped on the face by a total stranger.
like nothing that can be described by mere words.

sometimes,the lot of us gets numbed by the mundane and repetitive matters occuring in our insignificant lives, or so we believe, that we lose our heart, our dreams, ourselves. Complicated thought processes always lead us down paths of dead ends, filled with heartache and sorrow and frustration. Back to the basics, that's what i think. Question the whys with the hows, and decide whether they fulfill the initial goal.

Kelong in Tanjong Pinang was nice. relaxing with everyone was a nice feeling. especially with my number 1 'BB'. and of course the persistent kitten that mews non-stop. Love to go back there again another time.

P.S: Dim Sum at WAH LOK CANTONESE RESTAURANT, superb.

~12:46 AM

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Sunday, July 08, 2007

ok just an update on what's been happening in my life, given that there are people getting shocked at news half a month ago..

i started work 28th May. i quited 2 weeks after cause it didn't feel right.
i missed graduation, because i didn't change my File For Graduation(FFG) status from 'Graduate with Options of Honours' to 'Graduate'.
i could have filed for graduation in special sem, still can actually.
i decided to give Honours year a try, so i'm looking for projects. 3 possible ones to date.
i'm working part time at Yew Tee CCC, for a while. Before Honours project starts, if i find one.
i drove my family car at a chalet yesterday, and did a directional change on a freaking narrow road. Parked the car back and it was all good.
i think that was illegal. =)

last but not least,
i love sam. a lot. ok make that a lot more than a lot more than a lot more than a lot. you get the picture..

P.S: it is acutally a lot more than a lot more than a lot more than a lot more than a lot more than a lot more than a lot more than a lot more than a lot more than a lot more than A LOT.

~11:27 AM

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Thursday, July 05, 2007

it's been 5 months. and yes i'm still very much head over heels in love with the lady of my life.

~11:44 PM

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Tuesday, July 03, 2007

A lot of things have happened recently. seems as though the smooth sailing life i have had for 24 years has suddenly run aground on some major reefs off the coast of Shit Island. For all those uninitiated, Shit Island is a helluva place along the journey of Life en route to the destination Enlightenment/Death. There are many Shit Islands actually, but because of their uncanny similarities, there lies no distinction between one Shit Island and the next. After avoiding them for so many summers, it seems destined that i land up on this Shit Island now. Armed with nothing but my sanity (or insanity), i've survived on the island through pure grit and stubborness. Yet the toil is wearing me down, like the erosion of the cliff faces pounded by the ocean waves, slowly, but surely...

~2:15 PM

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Sunday, July 01, 2007

pride /praɪd/ [prahyd] noun, verb, prid·ed, prid·ing.
–noun
1. a high or inordinate opinion of one's own dignity, importance, merit, or superiority, whether as cherished in the mind or as displayed in bearing, conduct, etc.
2. the state or feeling of being proud.
3. a becoming or dignified sense of what is due to oneself or one's position or character; self-respect; self-esteem.
4. pleasure or satisfaction taken in something done by or belonging to oneself or believed to reflect credit upon oneself: civic pride.
5. something that causes a person or persons to be proud: His art collection was the pride of the family.
6. the best of a group, class, society, etc.: This bull is the pride of the herd.
7. the most flourishing state or period: in the pride of adulthood.
8. mettle in a horse.
9. Literary. splendor, magnificence, or pomp.
10. a group of lions.
11. sexual desire, esp. in a female animal.
12. ornament or adornment. –verb (used with object)
13. to indulge or plume (oneself) in a feeling of pride (usually fol. by on or upon): She prides herself on her tennis. —Idiom
14. pride and joy, someone or something cherished, valued, or enjoyed above all others: Their new grandchild is their pride and joy.

i believe people can take this word to the extreme. and then some more. like 'to infinity, and beyond' the acceptable limit of what most people doesn't mind. So it becomes:

e·go·is·tic /ˌigoʊˈɪstɪk, ˌɛgoʊ-/ [ee-goh-is-tik, eg-oh-] –adjective
1. pertaining to or of the nature of egoism.
2. being centered in or preoccupied with oneself and the gratification of one's own desires; self-centered.

i've met one such person. WAAAAYYYYYY too egoistic. someone should just slap him/her.

~9:19 AM

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